Monday, January 26, 2015

180 degree turn!

Hi everyone!! 

What a week!! So, on Tuesday was the New Missionary Meeting for Sister Bills. I DID NOT want to go. I did not want to see all the trainers and their trainees as besties because I just want to cry everyday. I know, very selfish. We got there and I could not even hold it together during the opening song. I just wanted to burst out in tears. I normally am fine holding it together, but it was because of the environment with all the missionaries...I just had been holding in a lot for a long time that I couldn't anymore. The day before, so last p-day, I just sobbed all day and wanted to talk to my parents more than anything. I wanted to know they were both listening and hear my mom say, "everything is going to be okay." I would have given anything to hear that. So, when this meeting came, I was already pretty emotionally unstable. When we broke up as trainers and then trainees, we got to ask questions, etc. When that part was over, we were waiting for the trainees to finish their part with President, and I was standing by Sister Jardine. She asked how I was, and I just burst into tears. I told her, "I am fine, but I just need to cry." Haha I am so pathetic. I told her it is not Sister Bills, but it is me. I am just upset with myself all the time because I cannot be the patient, loving trainer that she needs. I am totally failing and just miserable all the time. She said that the moment she heard that Sister Bills from her ward was coming, and I was called, she knew I would be her trainer. She said she knows this is what Heavenly Father needs me to do. The next part of the meeting was a testimony meeting for the new missionaries. We walked in late after I pulled it together. Sister Bills was last to bear her testimony. She cried through the whole thing. At the end she said, "I am thankful for my trainer, Sister Hickman, and for how patient she has been with me." I just sat there in shock. I literally have to like pull her teeth to communicate with me, and I honestly feel like she hates me most of the time. I could not believe she said that. I met with President after the meeting to get a blessing. He asked how I was because he could tell I was not okay. I said, "You know what, after hearing her testimony, I am doing a lot better. I think I just needed to hear her say that." President said, "If Heavenly Father did not prompt her to say that right in the moment for you to hear because you needed it, then the Church is not true." Haha I said, "Isn't that the truth!" He talked to me a lot. I just told him how I am struggling being who Heavenly Father needs me to be, and I feel like a failure all the time. I told him that I was raised in a way that you just "buck up and keep going" and that I am embarrassed that I am struggling this much. I have never been like this! He talked to me a lot about not expecting perfection, etc. He is one of the most loving people I know, and he helped SO much. He gave my a priesthood blessing after. Wow, my whole world has changed. He talked a lot about me developing the Christ-like attributes that I need at this time. It was just incredible. I have felt so happy since. I have felt more patient. It has been hard for me because I do not have problems loving people. EVER. Anyone who knows me knows that someone is my "best friend" after like a day. Seriously. I just love people. That is my favorite part of being a missionary. I get to love so many people. I have NEVER struggled with loving someone like this before. I didn't think I would ever get there. That night when we went to bed, I was laying there and said, "Goodnight Sister Bills, I love you." When I used to say this, she would just say "goodnight." This night she said, "Goodnight Sister Hickman, I love you too." Talk about a tender mercy. Things are changing!!!! Life is so much happier this way. I am able to teach her a lot more out of love and patience. My week seriously changed 180 degrees from where it had been.

Here are pictures from a run we helped with last P-day as a zone! It was for the high school. The STUCO pres is Mormon, so all the missionaries volunteered for their fundraiser run! It took me back to my involvement glory days hahah I loved it. 
Tim moved to Texas yesterday. He could not find work here. I am so bummed. It was really hard saying bye to him. I saw him change so much, and I am so thankful to have been a part of it and witness it. We are setting him up with the missionaries in Texas. I will never forget him!

We have a LEGIT investigator, Alec. He is friends with one of our members. He is younger and so normal and stable. It is great! wow. BUT, he lives in the Roseville Mission....lol. We have permission to teach him, but he cannot get baptized in our ward. He loves our ward so much, I am pretty sure he is going to move in our ward so he can officially be in it. 

Things really are going so much better. I have so much more joy in my life. My testimony has grown so much on the power of the priesthood. I am thankful that the authority from God is on the earth. I am thankful I grew up in a home with a priesthood holder. 

This week is Zone Conference, and I am excited!!! Thank you for keeping me in your prayers. You all are in mine :)

Sister Hickman 

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